I’ve been looking over my last bit of blog entries and I haven’t written a new one in the last 2 months. What albums are sparking memories in me? Why isn’t anything jumping out at me? What happened to this passion I had for writing these posts? Is this what it’s like to have “writer’s block”? Then, I saw a trailer for an upcoming documentary for a band that has been a longtime favorite of mine and this band originated from (and is named after) a state that neighbored my own home state. I’m talking about the band known as Kansas. The album I’ll be talking about is the 1976 album Leftoverture.
First of all, I want to let you know that in this blog entry I’m going to touch on things of my own spiritual life and my Christian beliefs. If that turns you off, I’m sorry. It’s a part of who I am. Where did I first hear this band? When was I first exposed to this music? For this, I go back to my childhood at about the age of 9 or 10 years old. I remember one night going shopping with my sisters. That night, I believe we went to KMart. This was odd because my dad was the manager of a locally owned department store. So, we very rarely went to other stores to buy things like this. I think my sister Connie bought the album Point of Know Return which was the album after the Leftoverture. I’m guessing she was a fan of the song Dust in the Wind.
Through my older sisters, I remember hearing Carry On My Wayward Son on FM radio in the those years around 1976-1977. But, what still sticks out in my mind was the TV movie trailer for the 1977 Henry Winkler film Heroes. In my own personal history, I was a big movie watcher at this point. My friend Brad and I would go to the movies practically every Saturday. Of course, Henry Winkler was known to many TV audiences as “The Fonz” on the ABC Sitcom Happy Days. But, he was an actor that I admired at that point in my young life. I remember seeing the ad and hearing the music of Kansas and Carry On My Wayward Son in that trailer. Before I wrote this blog, I looked online and tried to see if I could find that trailer. I had read that there was some legal issues with use of the song. But, I found the trailer. I’m posting it as part of this blog. But, it’s hard to say how long it will be up on YouTube and available to see.
I’m not sure if there was ever an album copy of Leftoverture in the house growing up. I do know that the copy of Point of Know Return got played by my sister Connie and eventually made it to the cupboard of albums that were to go into Mom’s Garage Sales. I grabbed quite a few of the different albums from that group in the cupboard. So, I added this little seed to my growing collection of music.
Fast forward to my teen years and my burgeoning obsession with music and drums. I had bought myself a set of drums and I was exploring all kinds of styles of music and drummers. I wanted to play drums but I didn’t want my parents to worry about what kind of stuff I was listening to. During our summer family vacation in 1982, I came across an article about the band Kansas and guitarist Kerry Livgren in a Contemporary Christian Music magazine. The story was basically how Kerry Livgren had accepted Jesus as his savior and wanted his music to be a reflection of that. The result was the 1982 album Vinyl Confessions. I bought this album on cassette and it was one of a few cassettes that was with me constantly in the early age of walkmans and personal cassette players. What I hadn’t realized was that original vocalist Steve Walsh had left the band and that another singer by the name of John Elefante was singing lead. At the time, I didn’t know the members of this band. I knew that Phil Ehart was the drummer from ads I had seen of him for Ludwig drums (or was it Slingerland?) Although the Vinyl Confessions album was not the multi-platinum seller like their albums of the 70’s, I would remain a fan. But, after I bought the Vinyl Confessions album, I was eager to explore other albums of the band. At one point, I bought a “2-in-1” cassette that featured both the Leftoverture album and the Point of Know Return album.
Now I had another Kansas album(actually 2) in my collection. So, I would often put on the headphones and listen this cassette as well. In fact, during my senior year of high school, I was living with my older sister, her husband and my (under a year old) niece. I was in the downstairs and they were upstairs. As most know with infants, they don’t sleep full nights their first year of life. So, during those nights where my niece was screaming and crying (and not sleeping), I would throw on the headphones and listen to something to try and lull myself back to sleep. At the time, I felt that the music of Kansas was less heavy than the music of Van Halen and Def Leppard that was my usual diet of music at the time. So, I would usually listen to Leftoverture start off with Carry On Wayward Son and then I would drift off into sleep during the rest of the album.
The album proceeds into song like The Wall and What’s on My Mind and then into the fourth song that has (over the years) become a favorite of mine. The song is Miracles Out of Nowhere.
Through listening to this album on my headphones and sleeping while it played, I’m guessing it became engrained in my subconscious. So, when I would revisit this album in my college years and later in my adult life, it would feel like an old friend I had known once before.
The band would regroup with vocalist Steve Walsh in 1986 with the album Power. But, this time around bassist Dave Hope and Kerry Livgren were not included in the lineup. Instead, Dixie Dregs guitarist Steve Morse recorded the next album Power. I remember an acquaintance commenting how this album was better and was relieved that Kansas had gotten away from their “Christian” themed stuff. I myself felt somewhat saddened that Livgren wasn’t in the band anymore.
In the mid to late 80’s, it became common for record companies and artists to release box sets of collected works. In the early 90’s, Sony/Columbia released a Kansas Box set of sorts. It was only 2 discs and I was wanting more. I remember reading that this compilation had been put together by a list of songs that had been voted on by die-hard fans of the band. There wasn’t a lot from the Livgren “born again” years and I felt disappointed. But, I bought it anyway. I still came back to the Leftoverture album again and again.
In the age of social media and Facebook statuses, I took it upon myself to educate my friends and family on “This Day in Music” and other pop culture and I would usually post a video by a band or artist on their respective birthdays. I would look up on various “on this day” websites and Wikipedia to find out the birthdates on different days. I’d look for different musician’s names that I was familiar with. When I came across Kerry Livgren’s birthday, I did a search for Kansas and Kerry Livgren. One day, I came across a video of Kerry giving a testimony of his faith and his Christian journey. I was touched by this story and it stuck with me.
As the months would pass, I’d continue to post videos by some of my favorite bands. When it would come to post a video for Kansas, I would try and post a live video and maybe make it a song that was a little lesser known. I wanted to post something other than Carry on My Wayward Son and Dust in the Wind. The other song that I kept coming back to was Miracles Out of Nowhere.
In the Fall of 2012, my son’s mother told me that she and her husband were planning on moving to the El Paso and Southern New Mexico area from our home state of Nebraska. They had also wanted me to move and continue to be in the life of our (then 8 year old) son. This was a no-brainer. I just wanted to be wherever my son was. To see him and spend time with him on a regular basis and be in his life was of the utmost importance to me. She was lucky and applied for work and found a job within a few weeks time. They had moved by Thanksgiving of 2012 and I was left to find work and move on my own. I would apply for so many jobs online and hoping to find work. If I received any calls, they would usually end up with the employer asking me, “When can you be down here?” and my answer would usually be “Whenever you hire me.” I became distraught, frustrated and saddened by the miles and time away from my son. I missed him so bad. I was crying my eyes out on my way to work, before I went to bed and whenever the thought of my son came into my head(which was often). I’m told that the Bible says that when we “cry out” that God hears us. As I said, I was doing a lot of crying. So, God must have heard me.
Through the centuries, we have heard stories of people saying that God talked to them. But, it’s usually in a story from the Bible. If someone in modern times says that God talked to them, we think they are crazy. But, if we quiet our mind and listen, God will speak to us in a way that we understand. Why am I talking about my son and my faith in a blog about the music of Kansas? Because on February 4th, 2013, I believe that God spoke to me and comforted me through a couple of Kansas lyrics.
I was working on a gear forge press at a factory in Kearney Nebraska. I had taken this job because I needed work and was hoping to move back to Kearney where I had lived before my divorce. In this factory, the workers are required to wear protective ear plugs because the machines are that loud and are damaging to the ears without. I was working 2nd shift(PM) and running a press one night. My thoughts drifted to thoughts of my son so far away and how I wanted to be near him (yet again). Then, the lyrics for Kansas’ Miracles Out of Nowhere started repeating in my ears.
Here I am just waiting for a sign
Asking questions, learning all the time
It's always here, it's always there
It's just love, and miracles out of nowhere
It's so simple right before your eyes
If you'll look through this disguise
It's always here, it's always there
It's just love and miracles out of nowhere
and then the final chorus changes a bit.
Here I am, I'm sure to see a sign
All my life I knew that it was mine
It's always here, it's always there
It's just love and miracles out of nowhere
I stood at that press and the lyrics continued to ring through my ears and my brain. I thought to myself, “Why is this song going through my head? Why is the LYRICS to this song going through my head? I’m a drummer. I listen to the drums and the instruments. I hardly ever pay attention to the lyrics…especially for this band.”
Then, the lyrics for Carry On My Wayward Son started going in my head.
Masquerading as a man with a reason
My charade is the event of the season
And if I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know
On a stormy sea of moving emotion
Tossed about I'm like a ship on the ocean
I set a course for winds of fortune, but I hear the voices say
Carry on my wayward son,
For there'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more
I continued to work on the press and began to dissect the lyrics for this one. “On a Stormy sea of moving emotion. Tossed about I’m like a ship on the ocean” That is how I felt. I was nothing but a “Stormy sea of moving emotion” and I thought about the story where Christ calmed the waters as his disciples were at sea. I hear the voices(God) say….Carry on my Wayward Son…lay your weary head to rest and don’t you cry no more. I thought to myself, looked up and wondered, “Did God just talk to me through a Kansas lyric?” and “What will people think if I tell them that God spoke to me in a classic rock lyric?” So, I wrote it down in a journal (with many ideas for this blog) and sat on it. I talked to my friend Pastor Scott Murrish about this. I reasoned that God knows that I’m such a music fanatic and I’m so passionate about it that he would pick a way to communicate with me in a way that I would understand. I asked Scott if he believed that this was possible and he wholeheartedly believed….and I wasn’t crazy.
This past week, I started a study in “Practicing Listening to God” at the church where I play for drums for the Praise band. I shared my story of the Kansas songs and lyrics and the Pastor asked if I wanted to share this story with the church this Sunday. I was more than happy to share in my own way. So, Today, I shared this story with the church and the response I got was not ‘You’re crazy for thinking God talked to you through a song.” It was a positive and an outpouring of love and support. Some of my fellow musicians told me of songs that had touched them as well in a spiritual way. I even had a member of the church offer to make some copies of some of Kerry Livgren’s solo work too. I find it funny and amusing that for months I had wanted to share this story of Faith with the church. I felt called to share. I just didn’t know how I would go about doing it.
Kansas will occasionally reunite with Kerry Livgren for anniversary concerts and various projects. The band will release their documentary Miracles Out of Nowhere on a DVD/CD combo on March 23rd. I have pre-ordered my copy and I eagerly await. I think about how this band has affected my life with the memories and through the music on a level more than just a band I love. But, music that affected my life and my faith as well.
